Cricket 1913

F e b . 15, 1913. CRICKET : A WEEKLY RECORD OF THE GAME. 47 ’unting of the ball the ole time Soppy was in— as one of our chaps says to me goin’ ’ome— young ’Arry Pincher it was (looking round and pointing to an outfield engaged in in-between-fall-of-wickets catching), wot’s clappin’ ’is ’ands over there— “ Give me,” ‘e says, “ one of them ord’nance maps, and I ’ll shove in for you— paint in if yer likes— every bloomin’ particle of nature wot them rotten boundaries are constitooted of.” [Giggles from the group, which splits up and resumes its places. ' The new batsman, elderly and lank, walks leisurely to the wickets buttoning his gloves. He locates himself at the wrong end, “ Qo ’ om e and stick your hinsurance Stamps on 1 ” and amidst cries from the field of “ Other wicket, sir,” crosses over. A useful partnership ensues, and ends sadly. The newcomer in playing back both hits and kicks his wicket, and retires slowly and downcast via the opposite wicket to whence he came. His successor, of a hefty build, helps to add 30 runs by unorthodox methods , and a change in the bowling is rendered necessary. C a p t a in (to new bowler). How would you like your field placed, Charley ? N.B. O ! Puts ’em where you likes, sir— I ’m not partickler. [Capt. does so. The change proves effective, as the Parson’s partner flops in front of his wicket, gets mixed up with the ball, and is given out l.b.w .] B a tsm a n (feigning surprise). What did yer say ? U m p ir e (decisively). H o u t! B a t sm a n . W ell, I ’m------ U m pir e (excitedly). When I says hout it’s hout. If hany gentleman doesn’t go hout when I gives ’im hout ’e ’s houtside my hunderstanding. . . . ’E ’s a hout and hout------ C a p t a in . A ll right, Mr. Swindleham, that’s enough of your outs. (Addressing batsman ) I t’s customary on this ground to go out when you ’re given out. B a t sm a n (indignantly). Yes, and it’s customary for them that’s sets up as umpires to know what they’re a doing of and (directing an evil glance at umpire) not to shout, “ Hout, hout, hout ” at every blasted appeal made to ’em (retires venting his grievance to each fieldsman that he passes). U m pir e (shouting and intent on having last word). N ext times yer shows up ’ere, let’s ’ope you'll ’ave------ (breaks off and fires a last shot). Go ’ome and stick your hinsurance stamps o n ! [The Parson is the next to go, clean bowled in violently hitting across the ball.] P a r s o n ’ s W if e (consolingly). Don’t look so gloomy, darling. You didn’t do so badly, but I am disappointed you got out like that. Some of your knocks were splendid— (gushingly) you can’t imagine how I thrill wdien I see you batting nicely and running so sw iftly from wicket to wicket. I wonder if the other men were envious. What a p ity you didn’t keep running just a little longer. P a r s o n . Thanks, my dear, but I never can stop in after there’s trouble in the field. That last little scene quite unnerved me. Yes, really, my dear, I feel positively unmanned. They upset me terribly, these unfortunate occurrences in our national game. Cricket is so full of the charm of Christian brotherhood, that it is inexpressibly sad to me— so very, very sad— that we players, who are Christian Socialists in the truest sense of that much-abused term, should be subject to----- - P.W . (realising that her spouse has launched upon a theme at once engrossing to himself and boring to her). Don’t forget, dear, that Mrs. Chandos has asked us in to tea. Ah ! there, she is beckoning to us. And you might help b y carrying in a chair. [Exeunt. The “ rabbits,” comprising a burly P .C ., a chauffeur lent for the occasion, a purveyor of meats, and a hobbledehoy of no fixed calling, follow in and out in quick succession, and the innings closes for 70 odd runs. Further play is suspended during the tea interval, which is now taken.] D e p u t y C a p t a in o f v i s i t i n g XI. (addressing majority of players, sitting down at trestled tables on a lawn under the auspices of the home cook and other female dependents). Gentlemen, or as I should say (with a glance and a smirk at the h.c.), ladies and gentlemen, I wish to propose a 'earty vote of thanks to Mrs. Podgers for the— er— excellent tea which w e’ve enjoyed. We are always glad to come ’ere to get this— er— good tea, or rather (feeling conscious he has not said quite the right thing), I should say to play cricket, and if tea ’appens to be provided for us, well then— er— to enjoy that into the bargain. Mrs. Podgers and these other ladies (indicating them with a wave of his hand) always does their best for us, and I ’m sure, gentlemen, I speak your sentiments when I say we are very grateful to ’em (loud cheers). Also, gentlemen I