Cricket 1893

70 CRICKETs A WEEKLY RECORD OF THE GAME. 4PBIL 20, 1893 SOME CLER ICS WHO “ PLAY THE GAM E .” ’T k not of cricket players and cricket critics such as the Bev. R. T. Thornton, the H on. and Rev. Edward Lyttelton, the Rev. Vernon Royle, or the Rev. G. Kingston, that I would write. Those names are connected with old associations interesting enough to the cricketer ; but rather would I here venture upon a brief criticism of the play of certain cricket- loving clerical gentlemen with whom it has been my good fortune to be identi­ fied from time to time upon the tented fiild. The first whose face and figure loom up before me as I write, we will call the Rev. Mr. X . He was curate of a rural district where I resided as a boy, and he interested himself greatly in our juvenile cricket club. For himself, though one of the best fellows who ever breathed, he was a despicably bad player— at any rate, in what are generally, if erroneously, regarded as the two all-important branches o f the game, batting and bowling. He possessed any amount of pluck, and would stand up to the fastest bowling on the roughest wickets (such as you meet with in country districts and junior clu bs!), to the detriment of his hands and shins. Well, it was not very longbeforewe boys arrived at the conclusion that Mr. X ’e classics were immeasurably superior to his cricket; and this being so, you can well understand how our fast bowler (by the way, most junior elevens boast one particular “ Spofforth ” ), boylike, took a delight in bowling his fastest at Mr. X ., with special reference to that luckless gentleman’s pedal extremities. But nothing at all could daunt hi3 courage, and on one occasion he was hit so hard in the face as to make him “ expectorate a small avalanche of teeth,” like Mr. Archibald Forbes’ officer at Ulundi. In the important but sadly neglected department of fielding, however, he fairly put us to shame. Whatever position in the field you asked him to take his native pluck never failed him, and whether at point or “ in the country,” he always worked hard and was consistently safe and brilliant. But I fear his example didj not tend to improve us very much in this regard. At length came the fatal day when we boys were idiotic enough to quarrel with our best friend, Mr. X . W e gave him to understand that we were not satisfied with his administration o f the duties of hon. sec. and treasurer of our club. More, I fear, in anger than in sorrow, the rev. gentleman promptly severed his connection with us, and well can I remember to this day the remarkable language in which he concluded his resignation. H e sa id : “ You are constitutionally and funda­ mentally wrong, and I feel that your methods and mine are diametrically opposed ” ! Sounds rather like a “ quote ” from the much maligned First Lord, or from the omnipresent “ member for Labouchere,” does it n ot? It afterwards occurred to me, though, that Mr. X ’s accept­ ance of our broad hint that he should retire was made with suspicious and (to us) uncomplimentary alacrity. Anyway, he was lost to us, and entirely through our own senseless folly. And he yet lives in my memory as one of the first of men. After this our club passed through a stormy period, and almost broke up— which indeed, as Poor Jack would have said, “ sarved us right.” But at this critical juncture another curate appeared upon the scene, and we immediately felt quite revivified. Not by reason o f his excep­ tional cricketing powers, though. He was even worse than his predecessor had been, and he bowled “ grubs.” I have watched the finished batting of Mr. D. D. Pontifex with much interest, and have observed the dexterous manner in which, albeit he invariably wears glasses while at play, he maintains his equipoise. But have you ever noticed the extra­ ordinary methods of some people whose sight is not good, but who nevertheless insist upon playing cricket V Such a one was this cleric No. 2. H is glasses were constantly falling off while batting, and he made one feel so horribly nervous that one couldn’t bowl straight at him. H ow ­ ever, he left the neigbourhood before we succeeded in finishing him off. Then there was the vicar, Mr. Z.,'who, good man, was for a time very keen upon the subject of our cricket club. His ambition soared in the direction of taking us up to “ the Great Metro­ polis ” to play a match with a real live London team. When this event came oil, it wasn’t an unqualified success. The venue was Regent’s Park, on a Satur­ day afternoon, and Mr. Z. found himself in much the same predicament as any general officer who might have accepted the Iron Duke’s challenge to “ take twenty thousand men into Hyde Park and bring ’em out again.” He had got us inside the park, but, being in a sense responsible for our safety, he was at his wits’ end how to get us out again— alive. For the air was thick with the screaming of shells and whistling of cannon balls— beg pardon, of cricket- balls— and the park was rendered “ lively ” by our constantly having to dodge this storm of projectiles. By which I mean to convey that the place was crammed full of Saturday afternoon clubs, all playing within a few yards, and frequently at right angles to each other. Our friends, the enemy, turned up rather late, and after we had been nearly killed, not once, but many times. Ultimately the game remained drawn— o f course in our favour, it always is. Now I trust I have not appeared to convey the impression that the average country clergyman cannot “ play the game.” Such is by no means m y experience. This particular Mr. Z. was a really first-rate batsman, and had once been in his School eleven at Harrow. H is prowess was the more remarkable, as since leaving his ’Varsity he had by an accident lost two fingers of his right hand, which, however, did not tend to impair his batting at all— and I once saw him make a marvellous catch high up with the right hand. Besides, our contempt for the clerical profession as wielders of the willow re­ ceived a rude shock. W e had achieved a decisive victory over a neighbouring village club, which did not contain so many “ ju n iors” as we thought it should have done. But l o ! on the day appointed for the return match, and when we were anticipating another “ walk-over,” our enemies arrived headed by a terrible curate—terrible, that is, in the sense that he proved to be a splendid all-round cricketer. W e could not touch his deadly bowling, and our wickets fell like nine­ pins ; while so soon as he took the bat, he swiped our deliveries all over the field, and altogether contributed materially towards our decisive defeat. I was watching the Oxford and Cam­ bridge match at Lord’s one day, when I noticed amid the throng two middle- aged gentlemen in clerical attire, fol­ lowing the progress o f the game with rapt attention. I found myself growing quite sentimental about this pair, who, seated close together, seemed to me to be comparing notes, perchance on the delightful theme of their College and ’Varsity days. At the luncheon interval m y dream was rudely dispelled. The two friends rose and strolled away arm-in­ arm, their seats being immediately filled by two most ruffianly-looking individuals. One of these men produced a jack-knife and a sandwich that reminded me o f Mr. Fred Gale's legendary “ biggest sand­ wich I have ever seen,” while his confrere solemnly puffed away at a short black clay. Well, thought I, this is very disappointing; and I straightway con­ cluded that I had seen the last of the two “ Old Boys.” Judge of my surprise, then, as the warning bell caused the players to re-enter the field, on seeing the two interlopers vacate their seats in favour of the identical pair of gentlemen ! After witnessing a repetition of this performance at a later period of the afternoon, I felt curious enough to question the men. They informed me that the two clerics had paid them half-a-crown and an ounce of tobacco each, in exchange for which they under­ took to preserve the two seats from the crowd, during such intervals as their occupants went of in search o f reasonable refreshment. One more anecdote, in order to state more fully the case for cricket-loving clergymen. In a boys’ match on one occasion, m y side were manifestly getting the best o f it— and we were well on with the final stage of the game, when a stal­ wart clergyman blocked the way, and offered really serious resistance to our attack. Being fortunate enough to get someone to stay with him, he hit away quite manfully, until at length our adver­ saries wanted but three runs to win ! The excitement was considerable. Now I was fielding at point, and as cutting was this particular batsman’s strongest vein, it behoved me to be watchful. I had already stopped several cuts that would otherwise'have travelled to the boundary, but in the presence of such a determined “ cutter” as this, I own that I felt a little nervous. Suddenly he made a terrific 'slash at a ball that was almost wide on the off. With an instinctive dread that that ball was going to hit me in the face, I raised my hands above my head. To m y amaze they closed over the “ bounding sphere,” and held it.